Readers Respond: What is your stance on homeschooling and socialization?

What is your experience? Has your family struggled in this area? What social activities do your children participate in? Do appropriate social skills come naturally to your children or do you have to work at it? And, if so, how?

Can't make a blanket statement

Kids can be happy and well adjusted in a public or private school, or lonely. The same can happen with homeschoolers. Of our four children, two made the majority of their close friends in school, two elsewhere. I'm not a homeschooler -- my wife, in fact teaches in a public school -- but I don't understand why people feel so upset or threatened by people who homeschool. Shouldn't each parent be able to decide what is best for his/her child? I know people who were homeschooled and people who weren't. They're all just ... people.

—Guest DSattler

Pioneers of Home Schooling...

I guess you could call my husband and me 'pioneers' of Homeschooling. That was back in 1979. At that time people were being arrested for homeschooling their kids...for defying the system. Basically, we yanked our kids out of school despite good grades (which meant nothing to us) because we were interested in 'the whole child' concept. We noticed they were excited about each day and their various creative activities during summer months but lost that spark when September rolled around. We 'saw through' the nonsense of formal schooling. There was a small handful of people doing homeschooling in a few states and we used to wonder if the idea would EVER catch on. We homeschoolers were ostracized as being weirdo, bad parents. I never thought I would live to see the day that parents would, finally, stand up, take control, and protect their children. I am thrilled to witness what is happening and happy to report our kids are successful, lovely, responsible adults (40's) doing home schooling.

—Guest Pamela Delaney

FYI for guest concerned grandmother

It appears you have issues with your daughter-in-law not uncommon for a mother of a son. Those issues may never change but this was concerning home schooling and not daughter in law bashing. I too had a dislike for the idea of home schooling for many reasons and fought the idea tooth and nail even after my husband called me to tell me he was taking out 13 year old son to the hospital because he was attacked at school by a boy who had been bulling him for years. Even with out knowledge in the legal system. This kid got community service and returned back to the school after 10 days. My son was given a safety plan to follow for his own safety. A month and a half later I gave in and am home schooling him and he seems happier and I feel better knowing my son is safe. My son is an honor student and is not socially inept although after the incident he is now always in fear and may even have PTSD because of the attack. Home schooling works for us and maybe for your grandson too. GOOD LUCK

—sickofschoolissues

My first best friend should be...."Me"

Strangers don’t get to be 1st in our kid’s lives. We do. A child lying on the floor doodling with a piece of paper doesn’t have to spell “bored.” Learning to unplug, daydream, and build self-awareness/self-FRIENDSHIP is highly important. Internal knowledge of self is best voyaged upon SOONER, then later. Having plenty of friends, or just 1 friend doesn’t raise the bar on social capabilities. It does, I think instead, encourage a more mixed exercise of social skills “gained prior to” the development of outside friendships. Kids get good social skills by being exposed to positive role models, favorable shows, and so on. Besides kids are homeschooled so they can see/hear YOU answer to Walmart wranglings, Post office pains, fast food fall-outs, and those clashes in customer service. heehee! You get my drift.

—Guest AngelEscort

Homeschooled because we care.....

I am writing in response to this homeschooling issue that seems to have cropped up. I have two children and I homeschool them both. They were both in the public school system and it was great for the first 3 years but then after the staff found out my daughter was autistic (high functioning) they treated both of them different. My son was bullied and teased because he was a strong Christian kid and also because of his sister. She was harassed by the students and the last day she spent in public school, she was put out in the hallway for quietly singing to herself while she worked. This is how she focuses on work. They said she distracting the others and so they put her out there and then forgot about her. I had to go pick her up after lunch because she phoned me and told me what happened. Public school is a breeding ground of bullies and ignorance. But there are still some out there that care, just too few to mention. So I homeschool because I care about my children & their education.

—Guest Javamom77

Friends in quality, not quantity

Since I have started homeschooling my daughter, I have noticed that she is able to entertain herself with ease. Last year she was still in public school and although she was only 8 years old, she was constantly worried about having friends over or what the children were saying about each other on the playground. Now, she is happy spending time with me or playing by herself in her free time. She seems so much more content than the other children. This is my first year homeschooling and I am surprised every day by how much we are both learning!

—Guest Aimee

Social or Not

My son has been home schooled his whole life and he has just given up a slew of friends. Why? Well one friend spent the night and woke up the next morning, he (the friend) sat on the edge of the bed and said "I'm bored" My son responded bored? You haven't even been up for 5 minuets yet! This friend is always looking to BE entertained and will go with ANY person as long as there is a good time to be had. Another friend my son has known since the age of 6 is also in high school but attends the public school not far from us. Well two years ago she joined a gang at school. My son dropped her like a hot potato. My son says he would rather have no friends than friends such as the ones he has experienced!

—Guest LAC

Are Schools socialized?

I homeschooled years ago when it was not the norm. My children attended public school until my son was bullied in fifth grade and a year later my daughter wanted homeschooled (she was in ninth grade). They are both very social individuals. Now my daughter has four children of her own. History repeated itself again. My grandson was knocked down, kicked in the face and ribs and more and this is "socialization". My granddaughter, who was a cheerleader and had several dance classes was also bullied in high school. A student threatened to shoot her and also threatened to come burn down her home. Is this the "socialization" they speak of? Schools are breeding a society of bullies. No where else in society do you have to stand for harassment on a daily basis. Schools are dumbing down our children and all we worry about is if they are socialized. Wake up America!

—Guest Diane

Socialization

For centuries, kids studied when they studied and spent most of their time with family and in the neighborhood getting real life age-integrated socialization. I don't worry about this at all. Our family gets together with family and friends of all ages and it is great to see kids wanting to behave as adults and learn from adults instead of acting immature and encouraging one another in bad behavior. We have loads of fun working, learning, and enjoying one another's company. Why would anyone think that being locked up in a kiddie prison with 30 other kids born the same year and one adult is anything normal and when else in life would you be dealing with only people born the same year? That is freaky and abnormal. Keep the kids in the real world and they will thrive.

—terrilynnmerritts

Much Less Stress with Homeschooling

This is a no-brainer for us - In public school, my child had headaches, crying, etc. because of the immaturity of the Jr. High kids. Why should her learning time be interrupted because they choose not to behave? My child is a straight A gifted/talented student, and is so much happier out in the world instead of in what she calls "jail" (Jr. High School). She is finished with her work in 2-3 hours and is a grade level ahead Honors course. She is free to socialize and enjoy the rest of the day doing her favorite sport!

—Guest Jennie

Tried Both

I had one daughter that did well in public school, but I have 3 more children, and each had some difficulty with school. Now that I'm homeschooling they have more self confidence, and they are doing great. They socialize in church, in scouts, and other homeschoolers in the area. It is working out great.

—las123

Tried both

My oldest son was in public school until 8th grade, when he chose to try homeschooling, along with his three younger siblings. He is now a junior and still takes some classes at home while attending a community college for dual enrollment credits. He's a fairly quiet reserved person, even after years of public school. In PS he suffered loneliness. HS actually brought him closer, better friendships. All my kids feel lonely on occasion, but that happened in PS very frequently. I do see that they feel more positive about themselves and their abilities, they learn more, they are more sensitive to others, and more thoughtful about the future. They are in homeschool bands, soccer, church youth groups, science clubs, book clubs, basketball, and have the time to earn money. They are better off in many ways. Kids who have always been homeschooled sometimes have a grass-is-greener-over-there attitude. They don't realize they might feel even lonelier in PS.

—Guest latecomer

Socialization

My family is pretty isolated, very rural. My children do get out at least twice a week for church activities. I get a lot of "But what about socialization?" Well, from what I see in the school, if that's socialization I don't want it!

—Guest Angela

Opportunities for good social skills

I would much rather be the one who decides how my son will socialize, which is what I get to do while homeschooling. There are so many awesome opportunities for me to teach my son good social skills and for him to be around a lot of different people. We volunteer at meals for wheels where he gets a chance to serve the elderly. He has good friends at church, bible study, co-ops, enrichment classes at our homeschool assistant program, sports, extra time with grandma and grandpa, he competes in horse shows, and he gets to learn at his speed. He gets to move and exercise when he needs to. He gets to enjoy nature and our animals when we needs to. Homeschool is excellent for us, but I agree, it is not for everyone. Let's not judge others. What's right for one, may not be right for another.

—Guest Chris

Proper socializing

First I must ask this. What does another 6 year old have to teach my 6 year old...when they have no manners and are full of foul mouths...when their parents don't teach them right from wrong? Children are more likely to follow the crowd to make or keep a friend. We home school our 2 girls and yes they need friends. We bring them to church and girl scouts, and now they have joined MMA. They are around other children their age every day. But it is in smaller group settings and the children there have or at least are being shown manners and respect. There are many benefits to home schooling and socializing is just one aspect that with proper planning can be beneficial to your child. I also agree that home schooling is not for everyone. So this is a very personal decision that you need to do what is best for your child and your family. Some children do better in school and others at home. And some parents are capable to home school and others are not.

—Guest sunshinerinker